


What Fools We Be

by alyjude_sideburns



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-19
Updated: 2014-01-19
Packaged: 2018-01-08 23:33:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1138765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alyjude_sideburns/pseuds/alyjude_sideburns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack and Daniel are captured, Daniel proves adept at rescue, he and Jack talk, and come to an equitable agreement regarding sex. Twins and pink castles are involved.</p>
<p>Originally published in 2006</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Fools We Be

**What Fools We Be by Sideburns**

 

 

Jack stared at the 'Gate and wondered how the hell this always happened to him. Well, at least Carter and Teal'c had made it through before the out-of-nowhere restless natives surrounded them and shut down the 'Gate.

"HISHTU MOTBU!"

Jack watched Daniel raise his arms high in the air.

"You know what he said?"

"No," Daniel said from his position on the ground where one of the restless natives had pushed him. "But it seemed fairly obvious. Don't they always ask us to put our hands in the air?"

"Right. But maybe he was saying what nice teeth you have, or maybe--"

"Jack? Throw down your weapon and put up your hands, okay?"

"But maybe he was saying--"

"Jack, we're surrounded by twenty heavily armed natives. There are only two of us, and we have one P-90, one service revolver, one knife, some dirty socks, a couple of Chapsticks, one inhaler, and half a dozen MRE's. Throw down your weapon."

Jack tossed his P-90 to the ground and raised his arms.

A very large native picked Daniel up by his collar, then dropped him next to Jack.

"Ow," Daniel said as he rubbed his neck. He didn't have a chance to rub very long, as almost immediately, his hands were bound in front of him, as were Jack's. They were both then tethered, each to a different native.

"NOUTU POU!"

"Daniel?"

"I think he wants us to start moving."

"Good guess," Jack hissed as he was pushed hard from behind.

As they were moved away from the 'Gate, Jack managed a surreptitious glance back and noted with satisfaction that no guard had been left behind. That would make it pretty easy for Carter and Teal'c, not to mention the entire SGC, to rescue them.

"Look, Daniel. All we have to do is keep our mouths shut and stay alive. Carter and Teal'c will be back to get us."

Daniel, wondering why he was always bound and tethered, said, "Sounds easy. Well, except for the 'keeping our mouths shut' part. We don't do that very well, Jack."

"Good point. So we try extra hard this time."

"Right. I'll try not to find out about their bathroom habits while trying not to win them over and you try to not antagonize them at every turn."

"Deal."

Forty long minutes later, Jack and Daniel spotted the palace that had been seen by the UAV.

"My God, it *is* pink. The damn thing is really pink."

"I think it's the stone it's made with, Jack. Pink marble."

"Who cares? It's *pink*. Who the hell would want a pink palace?"

"Um, Mary Kay?"

Jack's exhausted step faltered. "Daniel?"

"Cassie. She tried to get Janet to be a Pink Lady."

Jack cocked his head. "Daniel?"

"You know, the women who sell Mary Kay cosmetics? They call them Pink Ladies. Cassie wanted the free make-up she'd get if Janet became a--"

"Pink Lady. Right. Daniel, did it ever occur to you that a man shouldn't know that?"

"Hey, can I help it if they talk about those things while I'm visiting and they put me to work building book shelves? And before you start making rude noises, you were fishing. That's why I was pegged to make the shelves. Although, honestly, I do a much better job. My shelves are actually straight."

"No comment on the highly critical and earth shattering question revolving around which of us can do straighter bookshelves. The point is; even if you *do* hear things about pink ladies, purple elephants in violet tu-tus, or whatever, you shouldn't remember them."

"Then I'd have nothing to share with you, and thus I'd fail at driving you insane. That's what I'm doing, you know. Slowly driving you insane. It's all part of my plot to take over the world."

"I knew that," Jack said as they were ushered through a massive set of iron gates.

Daniel looked about him and whistled low. "This is like some mediaeval, 'Hunchback of Notre Dame' courtyard."

"How do you reconcile a bunch of heavily armed, but naked natives, with all this," Jack asked as he waved his hand in the air. "I feel like Belle should come waltzing out of a book store any minute."

"I'm not allowed to know about Mary Kay cosmetics, but you can know about Belle?"

"Cassie. Her favorite movie. Do you have any idea how many times I've had to watch it with her in the last couple of years?"

"Wait, how come when I'm over there, we watch Murder on the Orient Express?"

"Hey, I loved that flick. Hercule and a train full of murderers. Albert Finney was, in my humble opinion, the best Poirot. Bar none."

They were pulled along and were now being led through a breezeway, a pink breezeway. To their right, a fountain spewed pink water and was surrounded by pink flora.

"Daniel, I think Mary Kay *does* live here."

Eyes taking it all in, Daniel nodded, afraid to say anything for fear of bursting out in raucous laughter at the absurdity of their situation.

They were ushered through another set of doors, which led into a huge cavernous hall. At the far end sat what only could be called a throne. Jack took one look at it and said, "De-ja Vu."

"Jack, I'm thinking there isn't a Goa'uld in the galaxy that would surround themselves with all this Pepto Bismal pink."

"I was flashing back to Shyla, Daniel. Or more specifically -- you, on that throne, in that ridiculous robe."

"Oh."

They were shoved to their knees and Daniel said, "I thought I looked pretty good in that robe. Actually."

"In your dreams, Danny, in your dreams."

Their voices echoed in the large room and Jack felt like yodling. He wondered what the naked natives would think if he did. He didn't have the chance to find out as a set of doors near the throne were ceremoniously opened.

"Oh wow," Daniel said.

"Oh wow," Jack said.

A woman, clearly a queen, if the tiara on her head was any indication, entered surrounded by tall handsome guards. Unlike the men who stood beside Jack and Daniel, these were not completely naked. They wore gold loincloths.

The woman took her place on the throne and lifted the veil that hid her face.

"Ohwow," Daniel and Jack said together.

The woman was beautiful. Thick lips, flowing red hair, pearl-white skin, and jade green eyes.

Another man joined her, but stood slightly to her right. He was dressed in flowing robes and wore a gold circlet around his head. He had the same hair and eyes, lips only slightly less full. A brother perhaps?

The woman lifted a bejeweled hand and said, "Bring them closer."

Jack and Daniel were pulled roughly to their feet and led to kneel a few feet from the woman.

Green eyes raked over both men, but finally settled on Jack. She looked at the native next to him and said, "Muntou permto." Jack's hat was removed.

"Hey, that's my--"

A kick to his lower back shut him up.

"At least he didn't kick you in the knee this time."

Daniel was rewarded by a similar kick to his kidneys. So far he and Jack hadn't done their best at keeping their mouths shut. No surprise there, he thought.

The woman rose and stepped gracefully down. She approached them and paused in front of Jack. She smiled, then ran a finger down his cheek.

"You are called?" she asked.

"'Hey, you' has worked in the past."

"His name is Jack O'Neill. We're peaceful explorers from a place called Earth. I'm Daniel Jackson."

Green eyes flicked briefly in his direction, then went back to Jack. The finger traced over his lower lip.

Daniel was starting to feel very uncomfortable, edgy -- and possessive.

"You are very handsome, Jack O'Neill. I am Calista, this is my world. May I ask how you came to be here?"

"We," Jack cleared his throat and tried to turn his head away from the still questing finger, but she stopped him. "Yes, well, we came through the Stargate. As my friend here said, we're from a place called Earth. We--"

"What is this *Stargate*?"

"You might call it the chappa-ai?" Daniel offered. When she looked at him blankly, he said, "The large stone ring? Where your -- people -- found us?"

"That is Calista's Ring," a voice from the throne platform said. "You can not come through it, you can only die in it."

The voice came from the man in the robes, the one who looked as though he could be Calista's brother. He came down the steps and took his place beside her.

"Those who do not obey our Queen, are sent there to die. Therefore, you must be lying. Where do you come from?" the man asked haughtily.

"He's telling the truth," Jack interrupted. "We came through the Stargate and we'd be happy to return the same way."

Calista smiled. "I don't think so. My guards will take you to a room where you will be bathed and clothed. You will then be brought back and we will eat. Then I shall decide what to do with you."

With that, she waved her hand again, spoke rapidly in what Daniel assumed was the native tongue, and he and Jack were lifted and pulled out of the room.

As his guard yanked at the rope, he said, "Well, at least we get to eat."

Jack simply grunted.

* * *

  
"Now this is embarrassing," Jack whined. He was currently being bathed by two women. That was not the embarrassing part. The reason for Jack's whining was that he was being bathed with Daniel.

"We shower together all the time, Jack."

"Oh, you're not in the least bit bothered by this, Daniel?"

They were standing in a large tub, lovely hands cleansing their skin with soft sudsy cloths.

"Um, no, not really. The cultures of other worlds have--"

"You are so full of it, Daniel."

It was taking everything Jack had to *not* look at the naked Daniel standing in thigh deep water next to him. No way would it do anyone any good to imagine that it was his hands doing the washing of Daniel's legs. And -- other things.

The women finished and a moment later, both men were being rinsed off, then large towels were handed to them.

"Gee, how nice. They're going to allow us to dry ourselves."

"If you're good, Jack, they may let you dress yourself too. Of course, the way Calista was looking at you, I'm betting you end up in one of those gold lame loincloths."

"You will pay for that, Daniel."

"Maybe, but I still have my video camera."

As it turned out, they were allowed to put on their own clothes. Once dressed, they were once again ushered out, but this time, to a different room.

"You know," Jack observed as they were seated at a long dining room table, "we could learn something from these guards. I've been looking for an opportunity to make a break, to do *something*, but these guys are good."

"I noticed. They never waver, never take their eyes from us, keep the appropriate distance -- I mean, it's like they were trained by -- you."

"Or Teal'c."

"Right."

"So," Jack said as he looked around. "Here we are. Just the two of us, in a dining room that Queen Elizabeth would think of as home."

"But no queen and no food."

"No, no queen, no food. Lots of guards though."

"Yes, lots of guards," Daniel agreed.

Just then, Calista and her entourage entered. Calista took the seat at the head of the table and beamed at Jack.

"I hope you feel better now, Jack O'Neill?"

"I felt fine before, actually." He jumped when Daniel kicked him under the table.

The man that would be her twin arrived and took the seat at the other end of the table. Jack and Daniel looked at each other, then at either end of the table. They both shook their heads in disbelief. The table could easily sit fifty people, twenty-five on each side, plus Calista and her brother. Jack and Daniel had been seated smack dab in the middle of the damn thing.

Servants started coming in, hands holding trays of food. Plates were set down in front of Jack and Daniel, and what appeared to be wine was poured.

Jack looked down at his plate and said, "Looks just like--"

"Roast beef?"

"Yeah. Even to the Yorkshire pudding. This is -- weird, Daniel, even for us."

"I can produce any food your mind can conjure up, Jack O'Neill," Calista purred. "We are having something called -- apple pie -- for dessert."

Daniel frowned. "Um, Jack, exactly when were you thinking of apple pie?"

"How the hell should I know?"

"Please, eat, Jack O'Neill."

With a glance at Daniel, Jack picked up his fork and knife and started eating. Daniel soon followed suit, but not before whispering, "Try thinking about French toast for breakfast tomorrow."

* * *

  
The meal was over, the coffee and pie a distant memory. Throughout the meal, Calista had asked questions and Jack had answered, when he could. When he couldn't, he bluffed. At no time did Calista's brother, if indeed that was who he was, say a word, nor was Daniel allowed to speak. If he tried, Calista simply overrode him with another question to Jack. Daniel would have thought it funny, if not for two things; the way Calista looked at Jack, and the way her 'brother' looked at Daniel.

As the table was being cleared, Daniel wondered if they were now going to retire to a drawing room and talk politics over brandy and cigars. He heard a chuckle and glanced over at Calista's -- whatever. He was smiling at Daniel.

"Brandy and cigars, Daniel?"

Shit. They could -- hear -- what he and Jack were thinking? He glanced over at Calista, then at her brother. Nothing. No sign that they'd *heard* him. Okay, experiment time. He pictured himself drop kicking Calista through the Stargate.

Nothing.

This was -- odd.

He concentrated on food. He pictured a huge ice cream sundae. The brother's eyes lit up.

"Ice -- cream? What is this -- hot fudge?" he asked.

Okay, so food. They were tapping into the area of the brain that controlled the more visceral functions. So the hypothalamus and or pituitary gland? This could be a very bad thing, he thought. How many randy random thoughts had *he* had just in the last two hours regarding his stalwart leader? Like while bathing? Had either of their two hosts caught on to his completely visceral response to sharing a bath with Jack? Or had his recitation of EVERY SINGLE Egyptian god and goddess stamped those feelings out before either Calista or her brother could hone in on them?

Shit. Was Jack projecting some baseline macho, alpha male sexual response toward Calista? Was that what she was tapping into? Before he could run a little experiment, Calista rose, as did her counterpart.

"Jack O'Neill, you will be brought before me in the throne room. Your friend shall remain here with my brother, Calisto. He is most anxious to discover what this -- hot fudge -- is."

Jack shot a look at Daniel, then said, "This man is under my command. I do not leave my people behind, even for a discussion about -- hot fudge."

Calista simply smiled. She moved away from the table as one of *the* largest naked natives Jack and Daniel had so far seen, came up behind Jack and simply lifted him from his seat. Holding Jack under his arm, he mutely followed his queen.

Frowning, Daniel watched in amazement as Jack, realizing that he *was* indeed, going to be joining Calista in the throne room, simply rested his elbow on the native's hip, and his chin on his hand.

Only Jack, Daniel thought. Only Jack.

* * *

  
Jack was set down on the bottom step of the throne platform. His clothes were straightned by the native, who then stepped back and exited the room.

Jack was now alone with Calista.

"I am a very blunt woman, Jack O'Neill. My ability to speak in such a manner has served me well since my brother and I were transported to this backward planet. I shall speak bluntly now."

She took the two steps down that brought her before Jack. Smiling she said, "I want you, Jack O'Neill. But we do not take that which could be given so pleasingly. I wish you to choose me and toward that end, I am willing to block my brother's desire for your companion."

Jack managed to keep his facial expressions under control as he listened, but he really figured that Janet Frasier needed to hear all about this when he got back. She of little faith in his sex appeal. Humph.

"Do you understand me, Jack O'Neill? I will send your companion back to my ring and he will be allowed to go through it. All that you need do is stay and become my companion, my consort, if you will. If you say no, I will allow Calisto to have his way with your companion. Calisto's appetites are -- vulgar, to my way of thinking. He loves to inflict pain, to see a beautiful face reflecting that pain. I prefer to see ecstacy myself, but there you go. Brother and sister, yet vastly different."

She once again reached out and traced a long red nail over his bottom lip. "What say you, Jack O'Neill? Do I give my brother his toy, or let the toy go?"

* * *

  
"...butter, cocoa--"

"I was not entirely serious, Daniel, when I said that I wished to know more about hot fudge."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Do not be. My sister and I have truly enjoyed your thoughts about food. I had no idea what a large part it played with you humans. My sister and I do not need such a rudimentary method of receiving energy, but we have learned the sensual pleasure afforded by the consumption of certain foods. Your companion, Jack O'Neill, he often thinks of something called -- pizza. Perhaps you would share this food with me?"

Daniel could not believe this. Jack had been carried out of the dining room and was even now--

Don't think I'll go there, Daniel thought. Nope. Besides, Jack can take care of himself. Daniel watched warily as Calisto got up and slowly approached him.

"I can have this -- Hawaiian -- pizza delivered to us in moments, Daniel. Does that sound entrancing?"

Damn. He'd tapped into Daniel's thoughts about his favorite pizza, versus Jack's 'the works'. Calisto sat down in the chair recently vacated by Jack and boldly placed his hand on Daniel's thigh.

Swell.

"You are a truly beautiful man, Daniel. I feel most fortunate that my sister fixated on your companion, thus leaving you for me. Let us hope he pleases her. When Calista is pleased, I am left alone to follow my own -- pursuits."

All Daniel could think was -- poor Calista.

* * *

  
She was still staring at him, waiting for his answer, her finger still on his lip. Evidently she saw something in his eyes, something like rebellion, or doubt, because she smiled in such a manner that his blood ran cold.

"Perhaps you do not truly understand how untenable your position is, Jack O'Neill. Allow me to share a bit of our history so that you might come to a full realization of your place." She dropped her hand to Jack's chest as she said, "My brother and myself were exiled to this pathetic planet by our own parents. It seems that we failed to represent our world in a manner that could be considered acceptable. So why exile us? Because, Jack O'Neill, we possess great power and unless stopped -- do I need to say more? Maybe a slight demonstration?"

Calista looked past Jack to one of the guards. She raised her hand and said, "Imptu!"

The guard nearest them bowed his head and quickly took his place next to Jack.

"Allow me to show you what I and my brother are capable of doing, Jack O'Neill."

With that, she raised her hand in the air. "I can hear his heart beating, Jack O'Neill. Just as I can hear your companion's. With a mere squeeze of my hand, like this," she made a fist and Jack could see her knuckles whiten, "I can end his life."

The guard stumbled backwards, clutching his chest. His mouth opened, but no sound emerged. All color drained from his face as he fell to his knees, clearly in pain, and just as clearly unable to breathe.

"ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH!" Jack yelled, his voice holding all the command he possessed.

Calista looked at him from under her lashes. "Do you understand my power, Jack O'Neill?"

"I UNDERSTAND IT, GOD DAMN IT! NOW LET HIM LIVE!"

As easily as she'd made the fist, she let go. As her fingers unbent, the guard took a huge breath of air, then released it in a whoosh of relief. A moment later, he stood, bowed his head again, and on shaky legs, returned to his post.

"These ignorant slaves do not fear us, they believe us to be what we are; gods. We make their lives bearable, and thanks to us, their crops grow and their towns prosper. You could rule beside me, Jack O'Neill. What is your choice?"

Swell. Not a goa'uld, but just as bad. Wasn't that always the way, Jack thought.

"Your brother will just let Daniel go?"

"My brother's powers are not as advanced as mine. He knows that he will have no choice. But I warn you now, Jack O'Neill. The longer you take to decide, the more fun I shall allow my brother to have with your companion."

"Yes. Send him to the 'Gate."

Running her hand up and under his tee-shirt, Calista said, "I do not believe it will be that easy to rid us of this Daniel. How do I know that he won't bring back an army of Jack O'Neills?"

"I'll give him no reason to return, alone or with an army."

"Very good. I will give you some time to convince him, then I and my guards will re-join you here and he will be escorted to my ring."

Jack nodded his agreement.

* * *

  
Daniel started his countdown. If this asshole didn't remove his hand by the time Daniel got to zero, the guy would be minus a hand.

...eight, seven, six...

"Brother, dear. My Jack wishes to have a few minutes alone with his friend."

Calista stood in the doorway, framed by the flickering torches behind her. Even though she was most definitely not Daniel's type, he had to admire her beauty.

"Calista?"

"Come my brother. We have much to discuss."

With evident misgivings, Calisto stood and moved to his sister's side. She in turn said, "Daniel, he waits for you in the throne room. Go, he is anxious to speak with you."

Suspicion at the top of his list of feelings, Daniel rose and followed the assigned guard. He didn't like this. Not one bit.

"Jack?"

Daniel entered the large room to find his friend sitting on the steps to the throne.

"Have a seat, Daniel."

"Gee, Jack, dare I?"

"Stop being an idiot and sit down."

There was no humor in Jack's tone. Daniel remained where he was.

"I'm not going to beat around the bush, Daniel. Calista will be here in a few minutes and she's going to have you escorted back to the 'Gate. You'll be allowed to go home."

"There were a great many 'yous' in that sentence, Jack. It sounds as though I'm going alone."

"You are." Jack stood up and casually brushed off his pants. "I'm staying here."

"Oh really? And why would you do that, Jack?"

"You know, I don't think you'll understand, Daniel. To be honest, I'm not sure I understand."

"Not to sound too trite, but did she do something to you?"

Jack smiled, a real Jack smile. "No, Daniel, she didn't." Then his grin grew almost lecherous. "Not yet, anyway." He stepped down and walked easily over to Daniel. "No witchcraft involved here. I'm really staying because I want to. I do need you to give a message to Hammond though. Namely that I'm resigning. Although, that might be obvious."

"You expect me to believe this? That after spending an hour in her presence, you're retiring and staying here?"

Jack was close now, close enough that the slight height difference between them was startlingly clear. "Look, Daniel. You can't claim that you think I've been happy lately, can you? Or that I've been pleasant to be around? I'm tired, Danny. Real tired. You're getting on my nerves, Carter is getting on my nerves, hell, even Teal'c is getting on my nerves. I bite your head off at every opportunity, now why do you suppose that is, huh?"

"I drive you crazy?"

"Beside that." Jack leaned closer. "I'm tired. Deadly tired. There's nothing back home for me, and there's everything here. I really like Calista, and her beauty is a no brainer. To top it off, this planet needs me. She and her brother haven't a clue how to make things really work here. But with my help, we can make a difference. And that's more than I'm doing with the SGC."

Damn, it almost sounded logical. Daniel scratched the back of his head, then shook it. "No, I'm not buying it, Jack. I might make you crazy, but you have feelings for Carter and there's no one you care more about than Teal'c. What's really going on?"

Jack turned away from him, his shoulders slumping. As he walked back to the steps and sat down, Daniel felt the first stirrings of real fear.

"You remember Eudora?" Jack finally said.

"Ye-es. The worst three months in--"

"The best three months in my life, Daniel. The best. I gave it and Laira up for the SGC. Because I thought it was my duty. I gave up a real, god damn fucking life for the SGC. Not once, not twice, but three times." Jack stood up again, then moved into the center of the room.

"I'm not doing it again, Daniel. I've done my duty. I've babysat you, held Carter's hand, and fought for Teal'c enough. I owe me something now, and this is it. I'm grabbing on with both hands, the brass ring, you know? Calista needs me, this world needs me. And in a grown up way. Which is more than I can say for you. It's time for some other poor schmuck to take over the chore of watching Daniel Jackson. Someone else can have the pleaure of listening to your nonsense, of arguing with you over every god damned thing in the universe."

Jack dropped his hands to his side and faced Daniel. "This is about me and what I perceive to be my last chance at real happiness. If I'm wrong, I'll leave, come back home. But even if I return, it won't be to the SGC. My retirement is very real. Very real."

"I -- see."

"Do you, Daniel? Do you? If we'd stumbled onto a world like this and you'd found Shau're, wouldn't you be doing the same damn thing? Do you want to check me over? Make sure I'm really me? That what I'm saying is real?"

Daniel took two steps backward. "That won't be necessary, Jack. I can tell -- you're you. Very much you. So what now?"

"So now, we take you to the 'Gate and you go home. You tell everyone good-bye for me, send them all my love, and know that I'm really and truly happy."

"Fine."

* * *

  
Jack walked beside Calista, his hand in hers. He'd done a fine job with Daniel. A great job. He knew the younger man so well. Knew his insecurities, knew what words would send him packing. Jack O'Neill knew every button to push. Which only made him a Grade A, number one prick. But it was for Daniel's own good, so Jack could live with his actions. The issue was; could he live with Calista? Ugh.

They arrived at the 'Gate and Calista nodded regally in Daniel's direction. "I know the secret of my ring, but my brother did not lie. Given the right co-ordinates, I do send those who violate our laws through to their deaths, but I also understand that travel through my ring is possible." Indicating the DHD, she said, "Do what you need to do in order to go home, Daniel. And know that you are welcome any time, as are your friends."

Daniel glanced over at Jack, who merely shrugged, then said, "Oh, I don't think Daniel will be coming back, Calista. There's nothing here for him, or the SGC. Is there, Daniel?"

"No, Jack," Daniel said quietly. "Nothing here for me, or the SGC."

Slipping his arm around Calista's waist, Jack said, "See you 'round, Daniel."

"Right." Daniel turned his back to the two and immediately began to punch in the seven symbols. The wormhole engaged and he walked up and in, without a backward glance. The wormhole expired.

"Come my love," Calista invited.

Jack groaned.

* * *

  
Daniel stepped through and immediately over to the DHD. He checked his watch. He'd give them forty minutes to get back to the palace, then he'd dial up again. He gazed around him and smiled. Good old P3Y-689. Hadn't changed a bit. Still blue.

Okay, first things first. He tore out a piece of paper from his current journal, wrote hastily, then folded it neatly. He turned to the DHD, dialed up Earth, punched his GDO, and when the wormhole burst forth, then settled, he tossed the paper through.

He hoped Hammond would do as the paper instructed. Daniel really felt it was the only way.

Daniel sat down beside the DHD to wait.

* * *

  
Okay, kissing Calista wasn't horrible. It was -- less than stellar, but not horrible. At least Danny was safe. And kissing the woman wasn't horrible.

Calista pulled away and smiled up at him. "I have business to conduct with my brother, Jack O'Neill. My guard will take you to our living area. There you will find clothing appropriate to your new station. I will come to you soon, my love."

Who the hell wrote her dialogue anyway? Jack refrained from rolling his eyes. Instead, he took her hand and lightly kissed the palm before releasing it. Her face flushed a pale pink as she backed away.

O'Neill, you've still got it. Now if only there was some way to get rid of it.

Calista left him and one of the huge guards came up to him with a nod, led him out of the throne room.

They walked down long halls and finally Jack was led to Calista's quarters.

"Holy shit," was all that Jack could say. Man, if he was about to become a love slave, he couldn't have asked for better quarters. The guard left him, but it didn't pass Jack's notice that outside the door, two other guards stood at attention. In fact, guards were placed at every window and exit. Wow, what a surprise.

Jack wandered around, familiarizing himself with the rooms. When he found the bedroom, he nearly staggard back at the sight.

"Okay, this might be a bit much," he said to no one as he gazed about the incredible room.

Against the far wall stood the bed -- round, of course. Spread out on the pink cover, were a set of robes, undoubtedly Jack's.

Mirrors ran up the wall behind the bed and onto the ceiling. Huge chairs were scattered around, almost haphazardly, but upon closer inspection, Jack realized that every chair had a clear view of the bed. He really did *not* want to know why, but he suspected Calisto liked watching his sister.

Fur rugs were thrown over the floors, and curtains of some light, gossamer material hung from the windows. The room was all in -- pink. Except the rugs, which were white.

With a sigh, Jack sat down on the edge of the bed. A breath of fresh air wafted over him and he glanced up. Ah. A ledge of some sort that opened out and with no glass or curtain. From where he sat, it didn't look large enough for him to use to make his escape. Damn.

Jack O'Neill was a love slave in a pink boudoir. Life really sucked.

* * *

  
Daniel made his way back to the palace, but from a round-about way. He'd found the village and under cover of several bushes, he'd managed to steal some clothing hanging from a wash line. He'd ducked behind to change, then continued on his way.

Now he was in hiding, trying to spot where Jack might be. He'd crawled around in the dirt, skulked behind bushes, and for all his trouble, had so far only found Calista and Calisto arguing heatedly. Not caring, but glad they were busy, he'd made his way around the corner of the palace and now sat, back against a pink wall, trying to catch his breath.

Okay, he'd rested long enough. Find a bunch of guards, and it was a pretty good bet that he'd find Jack. Crawling out on his hands and knees, Daniel peered to his left, then his right. He checked his watch. By his calculations, he and Jack had one hour to get to the 'Gate.

Relieved to find himself alone, Daniel moved along the side of the palace, rounding another corner. He froze.

Two guards. One on either side of glass doors with pink billowing curtains. Ah-ha. Jack. He was sure of it. But how to get to him?

Daniel looked around him and realized that he could use the landscaped gardens to by-pass the guards and get on the other side of them. He proceeded to do just that, using every bush and plant as cover.

Solid wall. No doors, no windows, no guards.

No way in. Damn.

Daniel cursed. There had to be a way....

//I am *NOT* wearing this!//

Daniel whirled around. Jack? That was definitely Jack's voice. But how had Daniel heard it so clearly? Daniel looked up.

Ah.

He spotted the opening. He stepped back, gauged it, and nodded. Yep, he could get through, which meant that Jack, with a little help, could squeeze out. Now all he had to do was get up there.

Daniel looked around, spotted a large round planting vase. Perfect. With some effort, he managed to get it moved over and using it as a step ladder, hauled himself up. Vines traversed the building and under them, Daniel spotted a thin railing. By standing on tiptoe, he could just reach it. He tested its strength and satisfied, used it to pull himself up to the ledge of the open air window.

He peered over.

Jack was sitting on the bed holding a set of colorful pink, gold and white robes. He looked miserable. Daniel could understand why. Pink robes. Daniel grinned.

"Psst, Jack?" he whispered dramatically. Okay, he was overdoing it, but how many times did he get to rescue Jack?

* * *

  
"Psst, Jack?"

Jack shook his head. He was hearing things.

"Hey? Jack, look up, you idiot."

Jack looked up. And promptly fell off the bed to land on his ass.

"Daniel?!" he managed to squeak out. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Rescuing your sorry ass, that's what. Now get the hell up here. We only have about fifty minutes to get to the 'Gate before the troops arrive."

"Daniel, you left. I sent you away. You're gone."

Jack was still sitting on his ass, looking up at Daniel as if he were some kind of mirage. Daniel clucked deep in his throat. "Jack, you really didn't think I'd fall for that old line again, did you? Come on, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Now would you get into gear here? We have *got* to get going."

Rubbing his butt, Jack got to his feet and looked around for something he could use to give himself a jump up. Then he remembered the size of the opening.

"Um, Daniel, I don't think I'm going to fit through there."

"Yes you will. Just hurry up."

Jack, still skeptical, pulled a chair over, got up and gave a little jump. He connected with the ledge and found himself face to face with Daniel. "Daniel? If you stay there, I can't climb out and that would put quite a crimp in your rescue efforts."

They were almost nose to nose and Daniel seemed fixated on Jack's -- nose.

"Daniel?"

"What? Oh. Yeah. Sorry."

Daniel found that going back down was infinitely more difficult than getting up. He had to jockey himself so that he could reach down for the railing. Once he had it, he had to literally let go of the ledge and allow his body to drop, his fingers on the thin railing the only thing keeping him from plunging to the ground.

"Uh, Jack? This is kind of tricky," he whispered. "Be careful."

"Yeah, yeah. Just move it, monkey boy."

"Is that any way to talk to your savior?"

Daniel landed on the ground and immediately reached up to give Jack a hand. A moment later, Jack was standing in front of him.

"My savior? My *savior*, Daniel?"

"Didn't I just rescue you? From the proverbial fate worse than death? From the evil clutches of Calista?"

"Daniel, move it."

"Right."

* * *

  
They were almost to the 'Gate before they were surrounded. The natives seemed to come out of nowhere, just like before. Before either man could so much as blink, they were pushed to their knees. While several guards trained their weapons on them, their hands were tied behind their backs.

"Remind me to give you a few pointers on the correct method of conducting a rescue, Daniel."

"I'll make sure and get it all down in my journal."

"You do that."

"Everything is okay, Jack. I sent a message before I came back here."

"Wait," Jack said as if they weren't on their knees and completely surrounded. "You're telling me that you *didn't* go back to the SGC? That you only sent a message?"

"Well, yeah. Come on, Jack, you know that if I'd gone back, Hammond would have gone all cautious and it might have been *hours* before he'd have okay'ed a rescue mission. By that time, well, your honor would have been severely compromised--"

Incredulous, Jack looked at his friend. "My *honor*?"

"Yeah, you know, your *honor*. I mean, I really didn't think Calista wanted to play a mean game of chess with you, okay? So I kind of thought speed was of the essence."

When Jack didn't say anything, Daniel rushed on. "Look, whatever Calista and her brother can do, power-wise, I think it's tied to the palace. That meant that I needed to get you out of there and here. See?"

Jack was still staring at him, a strange expression on his face. Daniel gave up. The guards prodded at their backs, signaling that they should stand. They struggled to their feet but once there, nothing happened. No movement, no words by the guards, nothing.

"I don't like this," Jack said out of the corner of his mouth.

Daniel looked around and his eyes widened. He bumped against Jack to get the older man's attention. "Um, Jack? Look." With his shoulder, he indicated that Jack should look to their right.

"What the hell--"

"Didn't Cinderella's fairy Godmother travel that way," Daniel said, his eyes fastened on the glowing bubble that was floating closer and closer and getting larger and larger.

"I think it was the Good Witch of the West."

"You mean the Good Witch of the East?"

"No, that was the Evil Witch of the East."

"No, I'm sure it was the Wicked Witch of the West, and Glenda, the Good Witch of the East."

"Then which witch died at the hands of Dorothy's house?"

"The Wicked Witch of the -- North."

"That bubble is coming from the South, Daniel."

"And it's pink."

"You noticed that too, huh?" Jack commented dryly. "Now would be a very good time for the SGC to come to the rescue of your rescue of me."

The bubble dropped slowly down and to their amazement, it faded, leaving only Calista.

"Jack O'Neill, I am disappointed. We had a bargain, did we not?"

Jack shrugged charmingly. "What can I say? I'm incorrigible. The guy went to the all the trouble of coming to my rescue, I thought it only polite that I help him. So sue me."

Next to him, Daniel was frowning. Calista's voice sounded -- off.

"But now, Jack O'Neill, I'm afraid our agreement is null and void, although my brother will be thrilled. He was very angry that I allowed his new toy to leave. But I suspect your friend will not fare so well."

Any further discussion was rendered moot as the Stargate engaged and the wormhole blew out in all its beauty.

"'Bout time," Jack muttered. "Get ready, Daniel."

"Um, Jack?"

"When they get Calista's attention, I'll make my move. Knock her down and take her--"

"Jack--"

Before Daniel could finish what he was about to say, the M.A.L.P. swiveled around so that the lens was aiming at them. General Hammond's voice was the next thing heard.

//This is General George Hammond of the SGC. Send my two men through the 'Gate and we will take no action against you. We came in peace and have no wish to fight you.//

Calista looked puzzled. She turned to Jack. "Where is the voice coming from, Jack O'Neill?"

"From our world," Daniel answered. "Our leader has powers far greater than you, Calista. You would be wise to listen. Let us go through and you and your planet will be left alone."

"I don't think so," Calista said. But both Jack and Daniel heard the slight tremor of fear.

"Calista, your guards saw me go through the 'Gate. And now here I am. They *know* now that it isn't death. They will begin to question you. And when our people come through? And these men are hurt and you are unable to stop it? What then?"

Calista's eyes narrowed as she considered Daniel's words. Finally she turned to the 'Gate.

"Whoever you are in there, if you attempt to stop me, or to come through to my world, this one," she indicated Daniel, "will die. Is that clear?"

"General Hammond," Daniel yelled out, "Don't listen to her. She can do nothing."

"Daniel, so help me Hannah, if she doesn't hurt you, I will."

"Like I haven't heard that one before."

Calista turned to face Daniel. She raised her arm and Jack made his move. He launched himself at her.

"JACK, NO!"

Jack's body, which should have collided with Calista's, simply hit the ground. Rolling over onto his back, Jack blinked up at blue sky and said, "Wha' happened?"

"You didn't listen to me, as usual. You passed right through her because she isn't actually here, Jack."

Jack struggled onto his side. "I knew that."

Sam, Teal'c and SG-3 chose that moment to come through the 'Gate. This time, they had the advantage and the timing. Teal'c immediately fired his staff weapon into the ground around the guards that stood between Jack, Daniel, and the 'Gate. Frightened, the natives fell back, mumbling and muttering as they did so. Two members of SG-3 ran down and as the others fanned out in a protective pattern, the two literally picked Jack and Daniel up, then started back for the 'Gate.

Calista's face flushed an angry red. "MISHTOU PONTOU!" she yelled out. Teal'c fired again in anticipation of the guards making an effort to stop Jack and Daniel. The guards fell back even further.

At the top of the 'Gate platform, Sam cut Jack and Daniel loose. Jack turned and gave Calista a two-fingered salute. "It was nice, Calista, but there's no place like home. See ya 'round."

With SG-3 bringing up their six, SG-1 stepped through the 'Gate, leaving an angry and frustrated Calista behind.

* * *

  
General Hammond stood in the embarkation room staring at the open wormhole. Any minute now, his teams, in their entirety, should be stepping through. Any minute now. And if they didn't come through -- in their entirety -- he'd kill them.

The wormhole jiggled and Major Samantha Carter, followed closely by Teal'c, walked onto the ramp. Both turned to face the 'Gate after taking a few steps away. Hammond held his breath, and a millisecond later, Colonel Jack O'Neill and Doctor Daniel Jackson stepped through. On their heels, SG-3.

Now *that's* a rescue mission, Hammond thought cheerfully.

"Colonel O'Neill, it's very good to have you back. Doctor Jackson, you and I will be having a nice little chat after Doctor Frasier is done with you."

Daniel groaned but nodded.

"SG-1, debriefing at 0700 hours--" Hammond paused to take a good look at O'Neill and Jackson, then quickly amended his statement. "At 0900 hours. Dismissed."

Jack and Daniel followed their teammates out of the 'Gate room and Hammond could just hear Jack's last comment...

"You are so dead, Daniel."

Hammond grinned.

* * *

  
"You're both fine. In fact, I wish all missions that went sour could leave you two in this condition."

"This is rather refreshing, isn't it, Doc?" Jack teased. "No staff wounds, no zat guns, no ribbon devices, just good food, a pink palace, and a brother and sister that could use a good psychiatrist."

Daniel snorted. "Calista needs more than that, Jack. She needs a lesson in good taste. How she could choose you as her mate, I'll never know."

"What can I say? I'm a charming guy."

Janet looked up from her clipboard, one eyebrow raised in disbelief. "Some day perhaps you'd be willing to show us some of that charm, Colonel?"

Daniel licked his right index finger and drew an imaginary 'one' in the air. "Doc Frasier, one. O'Neill, zip."

Hiding her grin, Janet said, "I must admit, I'm surprised that any woman wouldn't choose Doctor Jackson over you, Colonel. But this Calista may have had a severe vision problem."

Daniel gave a little whoop and started to draw a 'two' in the air, but Jack pushed his arm down. "Actually, Doc, Calista's brother, Calisto, fancied Daniel. I get the gorgeous queenly women, he gets the weird brothers. Like I said, I'm a charmer."

"Calisto? Calista and Calisto?" Janet said in shock.

"Twins," Jack responded.

"Jack, what do you mean, Calisto 'fancied' me?" Daniel asked, confusion and suspicion coloring his voice.

"On that note, gentlemen, I think I'll depart," Janet wisely noted.

* * *

  
As Janet walked to the other end of the infirmary, Daniel said, "Jack?"

"Nothing, Daniel. I was just pulling your leg, okay?"

Daniel jumped off the examining bed and grabbed his jacket. "Is that how she forced you to stay?"

Jack heaved a sigh of resignation and said, "Look, let's go change, grab a bite to eat, and I'll tell you everything, okay?"

Only slightly mollified, Daniel nodded. "Fine. You're buying."

"Surprise, surprise."

Before dinner with Jack, there was still the small matter of report writing *and* Daniel's meeting with General Hammond. Daniel made fast work of the report (how hard was it to say; We went in, we were captured, I was released, I broke protocol, went back for Colonel O'Neill, sent message to SGC, was captured again, was then rescued by Major S. Carter and Teal'c of SG-1 as well as Major Underwood and SG-3?) ending with a brief recommendation that the planet in question be avoided in the future.

Since Daniel had to meet with Hammond anyway, he hand-carried his report to the General's office. Once there, he didn't have to wait long. He was ushered in almost immediately.

The General took his report, perused it, then set it down. "Would you care to share your reasoning behind the decision *not* to return to the SGC upon your release, Doctor Jackson?"

Daniel considered throwing out the possibility that he'd dialed incorrectly, but he discarded the idea. Who'd believe it? Which meant a kind of abbreviated truth.

"Sir, I didn't believe -- well, I was pretty certain that I could -- and Jack was in danger -- and my decision seemed to be the best of both worlds -- and Jack would have -- *you* would have--"

Hammond held up one hand, thus stopping Daniel's clumsy attempt at an explanation. "Doctor Jackson, your actions could have resulted in the death of both you and Colonel O'Neill. Do you realize that?"

Daniel lowered his head, unable to meet the General's eyes. "Yes, sir, I do."

"Fortunately the timing was such that as you arrived at the 'Gate and were recaptured, we activated the 'Gate per your instructions. You were lucky."

"Yes, sir."

"You were counting on several things coming together, weren't you, Doctor Jackson?"

"Yes, sir."

"For instance, your ability to actually succeed in liberating Colonel O'Neill. Then your ability to reach the 'Gate. But you knew that the chances were good that you'd be surrounded again, so you were counting on our timely intervention, correct?"

"Yes, sir."

"How did you know you'd be surrounded again?"

Daniel looked up, surprised that Hammond would ask. "I -- it just made sense, General. Calista knew people could come through, I think because that was how she and her brother arrived. It only made sense that she'd have it monitored and guards ready to take prisoner anyone who used the 'Gate."

"I see. So in fact, you set yourself and Colonel O'Neill up, correct? Knowing that as soon as you made it to the 'Gate, the natives would surround you, providing us with the advantage we'd need, right?"

"Um, er, well -- yes. Sir, honestly, it seemed the only way. If I'd come through to the SGC and we'd mounted a rescue attempt, we'd have been surrounded and there would have been -- and really, Jack didn't have that long, and I really felt it was imperative to remove him from -- and yes, I understood the risk but felt my decision provided us with the lesser of two evils -- sir."

"It would have been nice to have been able to discover more about Calista and her brother. Not to mention her people," General Hammond said wistfully. "Their abilities, according to Colonel O'Neill, could have come in handy for us."

"Whoever her people are, they use the 'Gate, sir. It would seem the odds favor our discovering their world -- eventually."

"Yes, well, eventually might be too late to do us any good. On the other hand, I'd rather have you and Colonel O'Neill safe and sound. Dismissed, Doctor Jackson."

"Huh, yes, well, um, thank you, sir."

Puzzled at being let off so easily, Daniel turned for the door. As he started out, Hammond said, "You know, Doctor, I'm torn between believing that you've been around Colonel O'Neill too long, and believing that perhaps we've made a damn fine officer out of you."

Daniel's steps faltered only slightly. Without looking back, he said, "I've been around Jack too long, sir."

* * *

  
Daniel met Jack up top, as arranged. As he walked toward the man, he had to remind himself to breathe. Jack looked as though he should be Daniel's dinner. Did he have to wear the black leather jacket?

Daniel had to admit that Calista had excellent taste in men. Not that he'd ever tell Jack that. No way.

"How did the meeting with Hammond go?"

"He can't decide if you've been a bad influence on me, or if the SGC has finally turned me into a fine officer."

"Well, that one's easy. You've been around me too long."

"That's what I told him."

Standing in the parking lot, the two men smiled at each other. As Jack fished in his pocket for his keys, he said with a gleam in his eye, "We've also turned you into a fine military man."

"Gag me," Daniel answered back, his own gleam brightening the early evening.

* * *

  
As Jack drove down the mountain, Daniel not far behind, he realized that the evening had all the appearances of being a date. He doubted that Daniel had figured that out yet.

They'd been lucky today, he knew. Very lucky. When Calista had threatened him with what could happen to Daniel, a strange, cold anger had suffused his soul. When he'd had to speak the hurtful words to his friend, he'd thought his soul would shatter, and when he'd glanced up at the window ledge and Daniel had been there -- his soul had taken off.

Truth long denied had been faced -- finally.

Jack O'Neill loved Daniel Jackson.

He suspected that it might be a very dangerous love. The all-consuming kind, the kind he'd never believed in, even when married to Sara. The kind in books and music, the kind a man fought for and ultimately died to protect.

It was nice to know ahead of time that Daniel would fight for him and he'd already died for him. Had to be love, right? Yeah, Jack was fairly certain that his archaeologist was as in love with him as he was with Daniel. Always a nice coincidence. He just wished he'd figured it out while his knees had been healthy and he'd had less snow on the mountain top.

God, Daniel was young. And older than Jack, Sam and even Teal'c in wisdom years. Did wisdom years count in a relationship? Damn right they did. Okay, so that meant that Jack was the youngster here.

Sweet.

The neon sign proclaiming that "Gino's" was on the right, caught Jack's attention in time to avoid driving past the driveway. He made the turn, checking that Daniel was still behind him. He was. Smiling, Jack pulled up in front, Daniel swinging in beside him. They both got out, Daniel joining Jack on the walk-way to the restaurant.

"You managed to keep up."

"Always do, Jack. Always do," Daniel said with an enigmatic grin.

Smiling, Jack held open the door only to have Daniel quip, "Always allow the senior citizens to go first, Jack. After you."

"Pipsqueak."

* * *

  
Their waiter delivered the antipasto and both men dug in. They'd ordered and were enjoying a nice Burgundy to go with the appetizer. Jack reached for a slice of soppresata and pepperoni, wrapped one around the other and took his first bite. He closed his eyes and hummed in appreciation. When he opened them, it was to a smiling Daniel.

"What?"

"I don't think I've seen you this -- enamored -- of food since Urgo."

"What can I say? This is good."

Daniel popped a couple of the spicy, marinated olives into his mouth and nodded in happy agreement. Jack watched him a moment, causing Daniel's right eyebrow to rise in question.

"Just wondering if we're okay," Jack said.

Daniel swallowed and said, "If we weren't, would we be here now?"

"Suppose not. So the things I said, you know, back -- there -- you're, you, understood? I mean, I know you said -- I mean, you know, fooling you again -- and all."

Daniel's eyes darkened for a moment as his expression softened into sadness. A sadness that literally burned Jack.

"I know the sentiments were real, but the reason for them wasn't. I know only too well how you are around women that you find -- attractive, and you most certainly were not attracted to Calista. Therefore, while the words held a painful truth, the reason for saying them--"

Jack had finally reached the apex of his shock and rediscovered his ability to make words.

"Are you crazy, Daniel?"

"I don't think so, but we could always ask MacKenzie."

"Daniel, do you honestly believe that *anything* I said today was real? Was anything more than pushing Danielbuttons in order to get you the hell out of there?"

"Danielbuttons, Jack?" Daniel asked with a certain wry humor.

"Danielbuttons, Daniel. Those little psychological triggers that are guaranteed to get you to back off. Danielbuttons."

Blue eyes glittered dangerously as Daniel leaned over, arms crossed on the table, face burning gold thanks to the candlelight. If they hadn't been in a restaurant, Jack doubted that he could have kept himself from jumping a certain archaeologist's bones. Daniel's voice effectively doused Jack's ardor. Brrr.

"Psychological triggers? You think you know me so well that--"

"Did it work last time, Daniel?"

"I -- that's not the point."

"It's the point, Daniel."

Daniel sat back and blew out a gust of cold air. He raised a finger and waved it in the air. "No, no, it is *not* the point. What, you think you can push these so-called Danielbuttons, buttons that trigger some stupid psychological response, but then when you say you didn't mean any of it, those triggers just retract?" Hopelessly, he shook his head. "The fact is, you say what is true, what you'd never ordinarily say, but can dredge up in times of need, times like when you to get Daniel the robot to psychologically bury his head in the sand. The fact is, you *didn't* want to leave Eudora or Laira. The fact is that you *do* believe that you have to babysit a thirty-six year old man who has been taking care of himself almost from the day he was born." Daniel leaned forward again and dropped his voice, "And the fact is that you resent all of it. You resent me."

Jack was -- he was -- there was no word for he what he was feeling at that moment. None. Jesus, how could he have missed this? How could he have not known? And more importantly, how the hell could he get Daniel to see the truth?

"Look," he finally said, "you've got this all wrong. I wasn't in love with Laira, but damn it, I'm ashamed to say that at the end of the first month, after thirty days of believing that no matter what, somehow, Carter would find a way to -- do -- something, and having nothing being done, I lost my faith. I finally came to believe that I was never going home. And -- Laira was there. She was warm, willing and I was admittedly lonely. It was almost like recreating what I'd had with Sara and therefore providing me with a sense of normalcy."

Jack waited. He wasn't finished, not yet, but he needed to allow Daniel to digest one thing at a time. So he waited.

"Are you telling me that if you had the chance, you *wouldn't* go back to Eudora? Am I supposed to believe that you used Eudora the last time you were pushing Danielbuttons... just because?"

"Yes and -- no. Yes, I'm telling you that I would *not* go to Eudora if I had the chance, and no, I used Eudora because I knew you and Carter and Teal'c would accept that. Believe it."

Daniel held out his arms and said, "Exactly."

God, Jack hated it when Daniel did that. And of course, there was only one thing Jack could say.

"Exactly what?"

Fingers together, hand in the air, Daniel used it to punctuate, "Exactly! Exactly that!"

Jack scratched at his hairline, then put his finger in his ear and wiggled it a bit. Were his brains leaking out? Entirely possible.

"Daniel, we're talking in circles, so let me just say something that might -- clarify things. I love you."

"You -- you -- no way -- you and Sam, but then you -- I *told* you I knew how you act with people you're attracted to, didn't I? Haven't I seen you flirt with Laira, Sam, Anise--"

Jack gave him his patented, "Pul-eeze" look. "If you're so damn smart and observant, than how the hell did you miss my flirting with you for the last couple of years, huh?"

Like a punctured tire, Daniel deflated. He sat back in his chair, his brow wrinkled in deep thought, then he blew out a huff of air.

"You've never flirted with me," he finally said quietly.

"Like hell I haven't."

Daniel considered that for a moment, then his expression changed from angry to almost -- sublime. He reached for a crostini and said out of the blue, "Pipsqueak, Jack? *Pipsqueak*?"

Hope burgeoning in his heart, Jack said with a grin, "If the squeak fits, wear it, Pipsqueak."

"I don't squeak. I have never squeaked. Although," he added thoughtfully, "I did once have a pair of shoes that squeaked. Hand-me-downs."

Jack, feeling the tension slip away from his friend, leaned his arm on the table, plucked a slice of provolone off the plate and after wrapping it around a breadstick, said, "You do squeak. I've heard you."

"In your dreams."

Jack waited a heartbeat, then said, "No, in my dreams, you moan."

Both men had been reaching for their wine glasses when Jack spoke. Daniel's hand froze in mid-air.

"Well," he finally said.

"Yes. Well," Jack agreed.

Both men took their glasses and downed their wine. Jack immediately poured them more.

"So, I moan."

"In my dreams."

"Not a squeaky moan, right?"

"No, no, not a squeaky moan. More of a -- throaty -- moan," Jack finished. He coughed a bit, then glanced over his shoulder to ensure that the waiter was no where in sight. He was very grateful for the fact that the table they'd been given was in a back corner.

"Throaty. I see." Daniel started fiddling with a breadstick, his long slender fingers almost caressing it. Jack groaned. Daniel glanced up and grinned. "A moan, not a groan?"

Jack had difficulty answering as Daniel stuck the breadstick in his mouth.

Dear God, Jack would never survive their first date.

"Jack?" Daniel said, after removing the -- wet -- breadstick from between his lips.

"You -- we -- are you really hungry, Daniel?"

"Not so much hungry as thinking we should, as grown men, be able to get through our first date. Two mature men and all."

Jack cleared his throat. "Yes, good point."

The two mature men indulged in more wine.

After five minutes of silence, silence that Jack would have defined as "sexually fraught", he said, "So -- we're on a date."

"I'm thinking -- yes. But you knew that."

"You're taking this well, Daniel."

"Long time coming?"

"Very. And you're still taking it well. Can we dispense with all future conversations regarding buttons?"

"Do you promise not to push them ever again?"

"Can't do that, Danny."

"They won't work again. I'm onto you now, Jack."

"Good point. Okay, I promise to never use them again. Wait, I need to retract that promise. After all, there are -- buttons, and then there are -- buttons."

"Right. You should be allowed to push the *right* buttons." Daniel put the breadstick back in his mouth.

Jack groaned again as he wiggled uncomfortably in his chair. "Seems like I'm not the only one who knows from pushing buttons."

Pulling the breadstick out far enough to speak, and after giving it a long, slow lick, Daniel said, "Ya think?"

"Daniel, we have established that I am a mature adult, that I have self-control. But damn it, a man can only take so much. We need to take our dinner to *go*."

"Nuh-huh. This is our first date, you're buying, we're -- sticking -- it out."

"Please, Danny?" Jack entreated.

"I deserve this date, Jack. I rescued you from a fate worse than death. I want my pasta in tomato-vodka cream sauce, and I want it hot. I want dessert. I want my veal."

Jack's eyes narrowed. "I could have had Anise, you know."

Daniel smiled dreamily and took another lick at his breadstick.

"God, I hate you, Daniel."

* * *

  
Jack should have been delirious, happy, ecstatic, but he wasn't. He was worried. And he was deathly afraid. For all their talking -- and Daniel's breadsticks -- Jack couldn't believe it was going to be this easy. What, a few explanations and Daniel was his?

Daniel Jackson did not work that way.

Or maybe he did.

Whether he did or not, the fact was; Jack was waiting for the other shoe to fall. On his head.

The waiter slid his plate in front of him and even the delicious food couldn't take his mind off of that shoe. Daniel poured him another glass of wine, then added a touch to his own glass. Beautiful fingers picked up the glass and Daniel held it out.

"A toast?"

Jack nodded and picked his up wineglass.

"This might sound trite, but -- here's to us," Daniel said with a secretive smile.

"To us," Jack agreed.

Their glasses chimed softly together and with eyes locked, they each took a sip. Jack put his down, licked his lips and said, "It's really going to be this easy, Daniel?"

"Why shouldn't it be?"

"Nothing with you ever is?"

Glass still in hand, Daniel sat back and regarded Jack as he said, "Well, there's always a first time."

"Yeah, but I have a feeling this isn't it," Jack said with a sigh.

"If this isn't it, it's because you don't want it to be, Jack. But I'm not really surprised."

"Here it comes," Jack said with a knowing shake of his head. "I knew it was too easy."

Daniel twirled the wineglass between his fingers as he said, "Have you ever asked yourself where you got the material to use when pushing those Danielbuttons? Ever wondered how you knew they'd work?"

"I told you, I know you."

Eyes focused on the reflection of the candle flame as it bounced off of his glass, Daniel said, "So you knew how important our friendship was to me when you were pushing those buttons in hopes of getting Maybourne to bite?"

"I--"

"And you knew that I have, on occasion, felt like the albatross around your neck, not to mention that I'd have reason to believe you when you used Laira to push those buttons, right?"

Jack was beginning to see the light.

"Jesus, I'm sorry, Daniel."

Daniel cocked his head at him, but said nothing.

"I get it, Danny, I get it. I knew those things, yet never -- I let them -- God, I'm sorry."

"We have a complicated relationship, Jack, I've always known that. I know there are a great many things about me that you don't like--"

"Hey, there are tons of things about me that *you* don't like."

Daniel shook his head. "No, actually, there is no one I admire and respect more." Daniel dropped his gaze as he added softly, "No one I love more."

Jack swallowed the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat. "Okay, but there *are* things about me that bug you."

Daniel shook his head again, but said nothing.

"So, what, you're telling me that there's nothing about me you'd change?"

"That's what I'm telling you."

"Well, guess what? There's nothing about you that I'd want to change either. Nothing. In fact, the things I complain about most, are the very things I'd kill to protect in you."

That brought Daniel's head up. Jack could actually see the surprise flare in the depths of the liquid blue eyes peering at him over the candles in the middle of the table.

Words, especially the kind that got to the heart and soul of a matter, had never been Jack's strong suit. Everyone knew that and Daniel certainly didn't expect them. But suddenly Jack wanted to use them, to give his feelings a life based on more than actions.

Jack O'Neill actually wanted to express himself to the man across from him.

Reaching deep inside of himself, searching for those elusive words, Jack finally said, "Daniel, you're everything I can't say or do. You--"

"If you say I complete you, I'm walking -- right after I gag."

Laughter bubbled up from the blue eyes now and Jack knew he'd been let off the hook. He leaned forward, not yet ready to give up the words that needed saying, but at the same time, wanting to give back as good as he was getting.

"I wasn't going to say that, Daniel. What I *was* going to say is; love is never having to say you're sorry."

Daniel sat back and draping his arm on the back of his chair, he asked with a grin, "Who dragged you to that film?"

Grinning, Jack said, "Melissa Hawthorne. I was fifteen and we broke up that same night. I made the mistake of laughing at certain key points in the film."

"Okay, at least I didn't laugh."

"Daniel, you were, what, five, when the movie came out?"

"Eighteen when Mark brought it back from the video store. Dorm room, popcorn, twin bed, romantic movie."

"Mark?"

"Mark. He was a very romantic guy."

"Oh, I don't know. You had popcorn, not candles."

"We had popcorn, candles *and* incense."

"I'd have given you roses too."

Daniel scooted his chair closer, folded his arms on the table again, and said, "I would have liked knowing you then."

Jack shook his head. "No, you wouldn't. I was so deeply in the closet that I didn't even know there was a door. On the other hand," he added thoughtfully, "if anyone could have helped me find my way out of said closet, it would have been you. An eighteen year old Daniel? Oh, yeah."

"Jack O'Neill's closet boy-toy."

"Sweet."

They were smiling at each other, their food forgotten.

"My place?" Jack asked, feeling like a horny teenager.

"All right."

Jack looked away long enough to capture the attention of their waiter, who hurried over.

"Could you pack this up and bring the bill? I'm afraid we need to leave."

"Of course, sir. Immediately."

Ten minutes later, Jack and Daniel were peeling out of the parking lot in their respective vehicles.

* * *

  
Jack waited until Daniel parked, then he started up the walkway to his front door, Daniel not far behind. He got in and turned on the light next to the couch. Without a word, he added a couple of logs to the fireplace, hitched up his slacks and squatted down to light it.

A moment later his living room glowed with the warmth of the blaze. While Daniel took off his jacket and made himself comfortable, Jack carried their dinner into the kitchen, took down a bottle of brandy and two glasses, then headed back to the living room.

"I thought a little something to warm us up would be nice," he said as he handed Daniel one of the brandy snifters.

"Sounds good to me."

Jack poured for both of them, set the bottle on the coffee table, and sat down at the other end of the couch. They swirled the rich amber liquid, allowing their hands to warm the brandy before tasting.

The silence was comfortable and easy, in spite of the fact that both men knew exactly where the night was headed. Where *they* were headed.

"Jack, are you going to be okay with us?" Daniel asked suddenly.

"I'm very all right with us, why?"

"Career, military mind-set, yadda-yadda."

"If it becomes a problem, I'll retire again. While you save the universe, I'll grow Petunias."

Daniel leaned forward, set his glass on the table, then moved closer to Jack.

"I don't think I could do it without you, Jack. If you retire, I retire. But I'm thinking -- Snapdragons. My mother loved them."

"So if this," Jack twirled his finger between them, "*us*, becomes a problem, we retire and grow flowers. Petunias for me, Snapdragons for you. Deal?"

"Deal." Daniel made the same motion with his finger and added, "So you going to be able to handle this, *us*, off world? You think you stifle any new mother hen tendencies?"

"Can you?"

Daniel lightly bit Jack's ear. "No," he whispered into same said ear.

O-kay... this was a side of Daniel Jackson never seen before.

Jack liked this side. Alot.

"So," he managed, "what... do we... do?"

Daniel was kissing a line down Jack's jaw, but he paused between skintouches to say, "Same ol', same ol'?"

Jack turned, brought his leg up to the couch and with lips centimeters from Daniel's, he whispered, "I can do that."

Daniel licked his lips and said, "Nothing changes."

Mesmerized, Jack watched Daniel's tongue swipe across those full lips, then said, "Everything changes."

"And stays the same," Daniel said with a grin, just before he kissed Jack.

Hot, wild, wet, energetic, all great words to describe Daniel and kissing. Not that Jack hadn't seen it before... once. Shau're. Abydos. But that had been her, kissing Daniel. Now it was Daniel... kissing him.

Jack decided to get into the game. He kissed Daniel back.

War of the mouths. Lips. Tongues. Hands roaming, sliding under shirts, getting bold and moving toward belts and zippers--

Daniel won.

He reached Jack's dick before Jack had even started on Daniel's zipper. He felt Daniel smile against his mouth and Jack cracked open one eye. His own smile broadened.

"This," he managed to get out, his mouth resting against Daniel's, "is what I call a level playing field. We are matched warriors, Daniel."

"I have news for you, Colonel O'Neill. You are so outmatched, it's pathetic." With those prophetic words, Daniel pushed Jack back and using his right arm to brace himself on the edge of the couch, he claimed Jack's mouth again.

When they broke apart, Jack looked up at Daniel with a glazed expression and said, "I surrender?"

"Good move. But I need to plant my flag somewhere. Got any ideas?"

Jack pulled Daniel back down. "Oh, yeah," he whispered against a hot, pulsing throat. "I know exactly where to put that... flag... of yours."

It's amazing how fast two men can move when truly motivated. While Daniel stripped, Jack got up and made a mad dash to the bathroom for the proper flag-planting supplies. His dash was only slightly hampered by his own rather clumsy strip act.

When he returned bearing the appropriate gifts, they eagerly resumed their previous positions on the couch. The kissing, stroking and exploring picked up right where they'd left off and it only took a few minutes for the temperature in the house to rise to a fever pitch.

"God, you're... good, Daniel. Taste good, feel good," Jack punctuated the last with a squeeze of Daniel's right ass cheek, "can't get enough--"

Daniel, lips at Jack's carotid, grabbed the hand on his ass and brought it around to land on the table and a condom packet. "So," he murmured, "do something useful with that hand."

Jack needed no further encouragement. He made quick work of getting the stubborn packet opened, then reached for the tube of lube. Amidst some laughter and the sloppy opening of the stuff, Jack somehow got the condom on Daniel, got Daniel lubed, and then with one long leg hung over the back of the couch and the other around Daniel's waist, he said, "You're on, Danny boy."

The next few minutes were a lesson in patience for Jack O'Neill. Patience, sensuality and Daniel. Jack was certain he'd die before Daniel ever made it inside him.

Daniel teased Jack's opening with long slender fingers even as he kissed, nipped and soothed the older man. He spent loving and exasperating minutes darting his tongue in and out of Jack's ear, his finger doing the same further down. Jack thought he'd explode.

"Danny," he gasped out, "I'm not as... young, need... now, need you *now*--"

Daniel reared up enough to get into position, then he paused, placed both hands on either side of Jack's head and said, "How does it feel to be owned, Jack?"

Staring into those glorious eyes, eyes shining with fevered passion and love, Jack said simply, "Heaven on Earth, Daniel."

The smile he received was worth everything and anything.

Daniel entered Jack slowly, one breath at a time, allowing Jack the room to accept easily. They adjusted, shifted, groaned in anticipation and pleasure, until Daniel was buried balls to ass.

"God," was all Jack could say. Until Daniel started to move.

"GOD..."

The couch took every thrust but probably didn't enjoy them nearly as much as Jack. He didn't know if it was how good his body felt with Daniel pounding into him, or how incredible it was to watch Daniel make love, that finally sent him over the edge, but it didn't really matter. Jack O'Neill came harder than he'd ever come in his life.

When he finally opened his eyes it was to find his nose buried under Daniel's chin. He nuzzled the sweet, sweaty skin a bit, tried to gather enough brain cells to speak, but Daniel beat him to it.

"I really can't blame Calista." Jack ran his fingers up through Daniel's short damp hair and closed his eyes. With a contented sigh, he said, "Can't blame Calisto either. He knew quality when he spotted it."

"Let's go to bed, Jack."

"I'm -- up -- for that."

Daniel lifted his head from Jack's shoulder and peered into Jack's face. "You *are*?" Then he glanced down and between them. "Um, Jack--"

"I'm *up* for bed, Daniel. And eventually, say, by the year 2004, I'll be -- up -- for you. In the meantime, let's go get warm."

Daniel pushed himself up and once standing, held out his hand for Jack, who with a grin, took it. Daniel pulled Jack to his feet, then ran a hand possessively down Jack's backside. "Come on, Jack, let's get our bones into bed."

"Thank you for not saying 'old' bones."

"Well, mine aren't," Daniel said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Jack swatted Daniel's butt.

A wicked gleam in his eyes, Daniel asked,"Spousal abuse so early in our relationship?" He rubbed the offended body part.

Jack grabbed Daniel's hand and tugged him into his arms. "Never, Daniel," he said in all seriousness. "I love you."

Daniel searched Jack's face, puzzled by the sudden change in the man. "I know that," he finally said, wrapping his arms around Jack's waist.

"I just meant, I mean, I know I haven't always been... careful, with our relationship. But Daniel, nothing is more important, believe me."

"I believe you."

"You're my best friend," Jack said, his entire being focused on making sure that Daniel understood. "I've told you things about myself that I've never told another soul, Danny." He stroked a finger down Daniel's cheek. "I guess what I'm trying to say is... I swear to take much better care of -- us -- in the future. I swear it."

The gentlest, sweetest smile Jack had ever seen graced Daniel's features as the younger man lifted Jack's left hand and kissed the ring finger. Then he said, "I do."

THE END

 

  
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This story archived at <http://www.thealphagate.com/viewstory.php?sid=226>


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